Rurouni Kenshin does an Xmas Carol
by Kato Shingetsu
Summary: Kenshin saying: Bah humbug?. Karou not auctailly cooking christmas feast. Final Chapter Up
1. Act One: Laundry bags and um BURN

Disclaimer: I do not own the Rurouni Kenshin cast or any other anime characters that appear in this story

Casting list:

Kenshin Himura- Scrooge

Sanoske Sagara- Marley

Yahiko Myojin- Bob Crachet

Kaoru Kamyia- Mrs.Crachet

Ayame- Tiny Tim

Tsubame- Extra (daughter)

Ghost of Christmas Past- Megumi Takani

Ghost of Christmas Present- Sojurio

Ghost of Christmas yet to come- Misao

Random extra- Aoshi

Act One: Laundry bags and...um.......BURN!!!

The Curtains rise:

Random people are standing out in the snowy road, gracing those who pass by with a lovely X-mas song:

_" On the twelfth day of X-mas, my true love gave to me: _

Twelve drummers, drumming

Eleven pipers piping

Ten lo-

" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHUT THE HELL UP!!"

Kenshin walked on stage. He was wearing his usual costume and used the hilt of his sword to jab people to move

" I'm very sorry that I'am" Kenshin whispered and then resumed character.

Kenshin walked to his place of business. It used to be: Kenshin, Sano and Vash's doughnut shoppe. But then Vash left to do Trigun and Sano "died". Since both Sano and Kenshin knew only half of the recipe, the place went bankrupt and Kenshin changed it into an office.

When Kenshin got inside, some workers were already there. Yahiko, to name one.

" Yay it's my favorite boss in the whole wide world." Yahiko said "Can we have more coal for the fire?"

" The next person that asks is fired, that they are?" Kenshin said

"Can we have more coal for the fire?" A random extra said.

Kenshin turned and glared at the random extra, his amber eyes glaring at the poor man that spoke those words.

At the front door of Kenshin, Sano and Vash's Shoppe-.....er I mean Kenshin's work.

Kenshin booted the random person out. The random went soaring into the air, screaming: " YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

"I'M VERY SORRY THAT I' AM!!" Kenshin shouted and turned back to the rest of the workers, his eyes still amber. "Anybody else?" he said, angered.

The rest of the workers whistled innocently and went back to work.

Hours and hours went by at the work place....and then, a guy wearing all black teleported in. T'was Hiei-sama from Yu Yu Hakusho ( Polterguise Report).

"BURN!!!" Hiei shouted and Kenshin's bag of laundry, for Yahiko mind you, spontaneously combusted into red flames. As many of the workers gathered around the flaming bag to roast marshmallows, Kenshin went ballistic

" NO NOT MY PINK SHIRTS!!" Kenshin screamed in agony

" Hurray!" Yahiko said to himself " Now I won't have to do his laundry!"

"Pink makes you look gay" Hiei commented.

And then to confuse/ anger you even more, Kurama-sama from Yu Yu Hakusho

( Polterguise Report) walked in:

" What's wrong with pink" he said " I have to wear a pink uniform"

Finally, the director ( Kato Shingetsu) stood up from the front seat of the audience.

"HEY! You two are not in this anime or story. Buggar off!" Kato pointed and shouted

" Make me" Hiei said

Kato Shingetsu then pointed to a sign saying: " All you can eat Free Sweet Snow in the Kitchen". And low and Behold, Hiei-sama was gone from the stage, faster then Santa's 8 reindeer. However, Kurama-sama took his seat in the audience, shaking his head.

By this time, Kenshin's business office is burned to a crisp. The workers had ran off earlier to find a new job. The only things left intact are Kenshin, Yahiko, and a different bag of laundry and the work sign.

" Guess what Yahiko?" Kenshin said with enthusiasm

" What?" Yahiko said with a raised eyebrow

"It looks like were doing all of the paperwork outside, that we shall." Kenshin said with a smile on his face

"But it's 25 degrees outside!" Yahiko shouted at his boss

" So?" Kenshin said questioningly. Apparently, Kenshin did not mind 25 degrees of frost and cold.

As Yahiko had a sweat drop on his forehead, a bell rang 5 o'clock.

"Well boss tommorow is X-mas" Yahiko said, "so see ya the 26th!"

" Er no I'll see you tommorow" Kenshin said

"DUDEEE IT'S X-MAS!!" Yahiko shouted " I want to spend time with my family"

" Fine" Kenshin said but then added "Come in after lunch."

" OK!" Yahiko sighed and then added "Merry X-mas!"

" Oh and here take this" Kenshin said and then took a HUGE bag of laundry out of nowhere. It must have weighed 60 plus pounds because Yahiko could barely manage it.

"OO!!" Yahiko walked away and began to sing an X-mas carol at the top of his lungs.

As Kenshin looked at the company sign, he knocked some of the snow of the sign....which fell on him.

" oro.... AHHH COLD COLD!!" Kenshin shouted as some of the snow fell down his back. " BAH.....um.....er.....LINE!!!!"

" Humbug.." A stage hand shouted and then said under his breath " Dumbass"

End Act One- Please take this time to review!


	2. Act Two: Sanoske the Doorknob

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Rurouni Kenshin cast members or the X-mas carol story

Act Two: Sano the doorknob

Yahiko was walking home, when then, Ayame walked out.

In the auidence, Dr.Gensai shouted: " Your doing fine Ayame!!"

" pssst....Ayame...Ayame you forgot your crutch!" A stage hand said to the young girl/

"oops!" Ayame freaked out, ran off stage and then came back on moments later with a crutch under her arm. "DADDY!!" Ayame shouted and then tackled Yahiko

" Ayame! What are you doing out here?" Yahiko said...well tried to say because he was being strangled by Ayame

"Mommy told me to come and get you!" Ayame said

"oh well then we can walk home together." Yahiko said...but by this time his face is blue.

Right when Yahiko walked off stage with Ayame ( still strangling Yahiko), a thump could be heard behind the curtians. Yahiko had fainted because of the lack of air. A person could be heard shouting: " MEDIC!!"

" I'm screwed!!" The authroess shouted and ran out of the auditorium, a person with more class would have said _" I'm ruined"..._but mind you,The Authoress was not that type of person.

Meanwhile, Kenshin walked up to his mansion-apartment. As he reached for the doorknob, something strange happened Sanoske Sagara's face appeared on the doorknob.

"Kenshinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!" Sanoske's ghostly voice droned

"oro?" Kenshin said and poked the Sano doorknob

" HEY!! Not the face!!" Sanoske shouted

Kenshin pokes the Sano doorknob another time and Sanoske bit Kenshin's finger.

" OWW!!" Kenshin yelped and his eyes once again went amber " DIE!!"

Kenshin yanks the Sano doorknob off the door and threw it into oncoming traffic.

" Dammit Kenshin Himuraaaaa!!!" Sanoske shouted as he was throw into traffic

The Sano doorknob gets run over by a horse and buggy

As Kenshin walked inside his house, the Sano doorknob shouted: " HEY I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME!"

"Bah Hamburger!" Kenshin commented with a harsh tone

(( A/N: Yeah I know, Rurouni Kenshin gone stupid))

Kenshin went up stairs and got into his resting chair.

After a few hours of resting, the fire went out. There was an echo in the house...it...it sound like chains rattling.

" oro?" Kenshin said

Kenshin then got up and changed the sound effects music to the monster mash song

" He did the Mash...he did the monster mash, that he did!!" Kenshin sang along while doing the twist.

After doing that, Kenshin turned off the music and decided to go to bed. As Kenshin laid there, he heard the chains again. The door creaked opened and someone came in the room. The person has bandages all over his face, he was horrible to look at!!

" AHHH IT'S SHISHIO!!" Kenshin shouted and screamed like a little girl.

There was a flash of lightening and the light from the lightening revealed the bandaged man to be none other then Sanoske Sagara.

" Sano?" Kenshin said, " But your "dead"

" I came back" Sanoske said

" But- the door knob." Kenshin said questioningly

"YOU THREW ME INTO TRAFFIC!!" Sanoske said, pissed off at Kenshin

" I'm sorry that I' am" Kenshin said and then bowed, " Why have you come back my dear friend"

" I' here to warn youu. On this night, youu will be visited by three spirits" Sanoske said in a ghostly tone as the lightening began to flash again

" Do you have to do the sound effects?" Kenshin asked Sanoske

" Yessss! Take heed of what they say. Otherwise" Sanoske paused to at a dramatic tone You will have to eat Karou's cooking for all eternity! BUWHAHAHAAA.......BYE!!" Sanoske shouted and ran off the stage

Kenshin then dropped back into his bed and was asleep.


	3. Act Three: The Ghost of Xmas past

Disclaimer- I, The Great Kato Shingetsu, does not own Rurouni Kenshin or An X-mas Carol. Oh I also do not own Trigun or Vash

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Act three: The ghost of X-mas past

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Kenshin was having a bad dream. It was about then time where Hiko made him sleep in a bed of snakes. Kenshin woke up screaming: " NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!". After Kenshin calmed down, he saw a person floating over him. T'was Megumi Takani in an elegant purple robe. Megumi then proceeded to choke hug Kenshin.

" Sir Ken your awake!" Megumi said joyfully

" . Oro...Megumi what are you doing here?" Kenshin asked the floating Megumi

"I'm the ghost of X-mas past." Megumi said, "Follow me."

Kenshin is draged out of bed as Megumi takes him flying in the air over Tokyo....or in this case, London.

Kenshin screamed like a little girl and clutched onto Megumi out of fear of falling to a painfull death.

"Don't worry Sir Ken" Megumi said calmly, " You are now a ghost, you cannot be harmed by the physical limitations of earth"

" Ooohh good" Kenshin said and calmed down.

" I'm gonna punch it!!" Megumi said and then while holding Kenshin's hand, flew faster to the east sky. A light appeared where the two where flying, and Kenshin....screamed again ( this time not like a little girl).

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When Megumi and Kenshin come out of the light, they were elsewhere.

" Where are we?" Kenshin asked

" In your past" Megumi answered

Kenshin and Megumi were in a schoolyard. The two saw boys running around and playing games.

" This is not my past, that it is not" Kenshin said to Megumi

" Yes it is" Megumi said

"No it's not!!" Kenshin said

" For the play it is." Megumi finally stated

"Good" Kenshin said with a sigh of relief, " I won't have to see Hiko."

Megumi and Kenshin fazed inside to the school. They see a Chibi Kenshin talking non-other then Sensei Hiko.

"Go sit in the snake room." Sensei Hiko said to the Chibi Kenshin in a commanding tone

" Dude, wrong lines" a stage hand said

"Fine!" Hiko said and took out reading glasses and the script "ahem!. Kenshin "Scrooge" Himura, your doing very well in your studies-" Hiko said but the stoped and turned to the stage hand "Do I have to read anymore of this sap?" Hiko asked

"No" The stage hand said

" Ok, go sit in the snake room" Hiko said again to Chibi Kenshin

" NUUUUUUUU!!!!!" Chibi Kenshin shouted and he ran around the room like a chicken with it's head cut off.

"NUUUU! I had to re-live that. The pain!!!" Older Kenshin shouted and...preceded to run around the room like a chicken with it's head cut off.....so folks we've got two Kenshin's ( one 30 and one at 8) running around like mad.....O.o....yeah I know.

"There's more" Megumi said

There was a flash of light and Kenshin now saw himself as a 16 year old with a 16 year old Sanoske and Vash the stampede

"Sano, Vash and I are going to open a doughnut shop, that we are." The 16 old Kenshin said

The 16 year old Sanoske jumped up saying: " YAYY!!" while Vash shouted " I LOVE DOUGHNUTS!"

"Oh yeah I remeber that. On X-mas when I was about 16, we started our doughnut factory." Kenshin reminisced.

" Fast foreward five years" Megumi said dully

Five years later Vash left for Trigun and Sanoske "died" ( notice the nifty finger quotes)

" Bah!!.." the 21 year old Kenshin shouted but then looked at the stage hands board. Because Kenshin could not read the board ( he must need glasses) all he could make out of the letters were "...h-hot dog?"

" That's it!!!" The stage hand said " I give up!"

" I've learned nothing from this" The current Kenshin said as everything faded

" Oh well.... how about comming to my place" Megumi said in a sly tone

" O.O!!!!"'s Kenshin's facial expression

The clock chimed 11:00 p.m and Megumi begins to fade.

" NUUUU my plan to get Sir Ken has failed!!!" Megumi pouted as she faded into the dark.

Kenshin looks around, he was still in the air. Because Megumi's magic was no longer in effect, our poor Kenshin began to plummit to the ground.

" 0.0!! OOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRROOOOOO!" Kenshin screamed as he fell

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	4. Act Four: The horror of PINK!

Disclaimer: The fanfiction that you are currently viewing was created by the lovely and very talented Kato Shingetsu. This fanfiction contains characters from the hit anime series: Rurouni Kenshin playing as character from A Christmas Carol. created by Charles Dickens. This story is a parody, meaning that it is to make you laugh so hard that you will turn purple and pass out.....well....ok maybe not that funny. Point being- chickens are not edible...enjoy act four.

Act Four: THE HORROR OF PINK!!!!!

Kenshin woke up in his bed. Alone..........alone........I SAID ALONE GAT DANG IT!!!

" That was a very creepy trip, that it was" Kenshin said

Kenshin pulled open his bed curtain and saw Sojurio. Sojurio had on two foot tall platforms to make him um....two feet taller.

" Oro?" Kenshin groaned

" Hello Mr.Himura." Sojurio said polietly " Do you know how I am?"

"A very tall Sojurio" Kenshin guessed

"No, I am the ghost of X-mas present." Sojurio said with dignity

"Very very very very-" Kenshin still continued

"Are you done yet?" Sojurio asked with a sweat drop on his forehead.

" yes....................." Kenshin said, but then added in quickly "Very tall."

"How would you like to visit Mr.Yahiko aka- Mr.Crachet?" Sojurio asked

"That would be a fine trip, that it would" Kenshin said

Sojurio snapped his fingers and the two were in the Chinatown area.........of Chicago.

"This is where Yahiko lives?" Kenshin asked " I thought we were in Merry Old England"

"Oops, wrong place" Sojurio said and redid the teleporting act, right before Kenshin was about to be mugged. Kenshin and Sojurio appeared in a old, shabby looking dojo. Yahiko, Karou, Ayame, Tsubame and a bunch of other extras where sitting at a table. The 'family' were about to enjoy a delicious Christmas feast.

" Dear the looks delicious" Yahiko said while snickering

"Why thank you Yahiko" Karou said proudly

Yahiko looked over at the stage hand, who held up a sign saying " Karou did NOT make the food"

" OK LETS EAT!" Yahiko shouted

Everybody started to eat, enjoying the feast that was not made by Karou, knowing that the chances of them getting food poisoning were greatly decreased.

"Oh yeah..." Yahiko said, remembering his lines "A toast to the founder of the feast. Mr.Scrooge!!"

"...who?" Karou said after gulping down some mashed potatoes (mmmmm favorite!! XD)

"The guy Kenshin is playing as" Yahiko said before sipping on some green tea

"oh yeah..." Karou said and then resumed character " Founder of the feast indeed....Kato Shingetsu's got a better chance of being the founder of the feast."

"RIGHT ON!" Kato Shingetsu shouted while in the audience ( yeah she came back after she was done crying her eyes out in the girls bathroom)

"Can't Ms.Karou see me?" Kenshin asked

"Since this is a play yes." Sojurio whispered " But in the real story were ghosts."

Now we notice that everyone is trying really hard not to notice Kenshin and Sojurio floating inches above them on fish wires. Kenshin noticed Ayame, who had a crutch. Kenshin also noticed that Sojurio is starting to get gray hair.

"Will Ayame-Chan die?" Kenshin asked

"Unless she is given medical attention, then yes." Sojruio answered

Kenshin frowned at Sojurio, the sad face wasn't a face for him....

"She should really hurry up though, and decrease the surplus population" Sojurio said 

"What an awful thing to say!!" Kenshin said, digusted at Sojurio

Sojurio said " I was just making an ironic statement. _You_ said it three hours ago"

" Did not" Kenshin said

"Did too" Sojurio said

"Did not!!" Kenshin shouted

"Did TOO!!!" Sojurio shouted

"GRAY!!!" Kenshin shouted

"PINK!-wait, how did you get grey?" Sojurio asked

Kenshin pulled Sojurio to a mirror and showed Sojurio that he had gray hair.

"AHHHHHH!" Sojurio freaked out and ran off.

Kenshin followed him and Sojurio led Kenshin to a graveyard.

" My time on earth ends here." Sojurio said in agony while laying on the ground "Just to let you know, the next ghost is a real hard-ass"

Kenshin stood up and looked around.

"This is a very scary place, that it is" Kenshin said....he was all alone..........alone........I SAID ALONE GAT DANG IT!!!

Kenshin walked around a bit until he ran into a very large figure wearing all black.

" Are you the Ghost of X-mas yet to come?" Kenshin asked in reverence

The Ghost nodded. The ghost made a small "follow me" motion with his hands and Kenshin followed. Kenshin was lead deeper into the graveyard. Kenshin saw someone mourning over four graves. The person was Lord Aoshi. The Ghost jumped out of the black robes. The ghost of Christmas yet to come was none other then Misao.

"LORD AOSHI!!!" Misao shouted

"Gha!!" Aoshi shouted and began to run as fast as possible.

" COME BACK LORD AOSHI" Misao shouted while running after Aoshi

"Looks like I'm all alone here, that I'am" Kenshin said

Kenshin walked around until he saw his own grave. It read:

_Here lies Kenshin Himura ( Mr.Scrooge)_

_Hiko was cooler! ps- Pink is gay-Hiei_

" WHAT! NOOOOOO!" Kenshin shouted and then droped to his knees " I'll change, that I will. I'll change, that I will!!!!!!!!"

Just then, Karou, Megumi, and Misao appeared and bashed Kenshin in the head. Kenshin was in darkness,....he was all alo-

" WE GET IT ALREADY YOU DUMB NARRATOR!!" the crowd shouted


	5. Final Act: The Final Act

Disclaimer: I wish I wish I owned Rurouni Kenshin....I don't....I wish I did, but I don't...I don't own A Christmas Carol....I don't want it anyway...

Final Act

Kenshin woke up. Kenshin was in his own bed. He got up and looked out a window. A boy walked by the window. Kenshin opened the window and shouted to the boy

" What day is it?" Kenshin shouted

" What?!" the boy said with a British accent

"WHAT DAY IS IT??" Kenshin shouted again

"WHAT?!?!?" The boy shouted back

"WHAAAT........DAAAAY.. IS IT?????????" Kenshin finally shouted while pronouncing each syllable

The boys mother came up. She was quite upset at Kenshin

"You mean person. My son is partly deaf. How dare you play a mean trick." The mother said

"I'm very sorry, that I'am. What day is it?" Kenshin asked the mother

"It's Christmas day....moron.." the mother said

" HURRAY I have a second chance, that I do" Kenshin said gleefully

Kenshin did a victory dance.....but fell out of the window.

" O.O ooooorrrooo?" Kenshin said while on the groun

Later, Yahiko and his "family" were having there family dinner. Just then, Kenshin bursted into the house with amber eyes glaring at his sla- I mean worker

" YAHIKO!!" Kenshin shouted

" I'm boned" Yahiko said quickly

Karou stood up and got out her training stick.

"Prepare yourself!" Karou said, assuming a Kamyia Kashin style pose. Karou chased Kenshin around, slashing at him whenever she was near enough.

"I'm a changed man, that I'am." Kenshin said before he was killed " I bring gifts for you and your children."

Kenshin gives out gifts of teddy bears,...um...Rolex watches....and Pocky. Yes lots and lots of Pocky!

Then there was a noise and a scream. The scream got louder and louder until Sano and Vash fell through the roof.

"Oro?" Kenshin said

" Were back!" Vash and Sanoske said

"YAAY!!!" Kenshin shouted and then added to Yahiko "Oh yeah and Yahiko, your getting a raise!"

" Sweet!" Yahiko said

" Sweet!" Ayame copied Yahiko

" The kid gets the most important line in the story and she screws it up!" the director said

"GOD BLESS US, EVERYONE!!" Everyone shouted

Well,...except Shishio

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Everybody, have a nice holiday. No matter what religion!


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